ostelgia

So today I went with Ken to meet his toy designer friend and somehow we ended up talking about Berlin and history and memory and maybe it’s just me but this is what I think:
We remember things like photographs, photographs with faces cut out like lost loves and dying flames – all our lives, wondering and wandering in the present city, looking for traces of these torn faces. Not out of love, but curiousity. Some of this is part of me, that’s what I think. So it becomes a kind of nostalgia, to try and live in the place where the photographs were taken, to try and imagine who was in those cut-out faces and it’s all fantasy and imagination and we know that — but by erasing the history and the traces of it, can’t you see, that’s all we can do, to make it up for ourselves and live the past in the present city again?

I think maybe it’s just….. different. Then ironically today, again for presentation this media artist came in and again — no historical context. And I wonder, why are we trying so hard to both destroy and recreate the past? We shop for vintage clothes, but disregard the history of sevage and labour. We talk about polaroids and derive, and forget about the war that created the saint-germaine orphans. It’s almost like we’re just taking the artifacts of history, and rewriting the history of objects altogether. And maybe it’s just me, but it feels a bit…… unethical?

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Documentation notes, check out my crappy handwriting! oh well, at least it’s still legible 😡

More research into python and py.cgi and pexpect and just wading into deep code now. I think maybe I’m just a little tired of people/this semester, or I need some time or I’m just bordering on a burnout right now. Usually by the time finals roll around I’m like okay ready for a last push!!! but instead of feeling the rush of determination, I’m just lethargic and panicky and strangely restless.

As Christmas draws nearer, I seem to miss my mom even more :/ I miss the tree, the red bows and golden balls, the feel of staying up all night, the crazy dinner and mashing potatos, the sparkle lights, sakky hanging out till mornings, the post-xmas with jw & audy and most of all I really really miss my mom. I don’t really talk about my parents very much but my mom = awesome, brought all of us up and everything+++ and right now I wish I had a teleportation machine so I can be on other side of the world for a hug…… idk, feeling unnessescarily mawkish today

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