vectors-in-passing

backdated. this was meant for last saturday, but I hit draftsave instead of publish (oops). I’ve combined the current entry with the backdated one (franken-entry?)

At 4:17am, most sensible people would be asleep. Instead I’m stuck at level 86 trying to beat the puzzle (think I almost cracked it), while trying to read through a ton of academic papers. I have a deleuze chapter due by mid-oct, going to be published (which the acknowledgements will have a ~*surprise!*~) and since it’s my first one I’m nervous as fuck — I hope they don’t expect clear-cut answers because I have none. I can only offer a semblance of a vector in passing

Also feeling kinda….I don’t know, running out of happy-feels. I feel restless and ansty and a wee bit lonely, but at the same time I don’t want to be around people at all.  I remember J.P once accused me of being anti-social because I liked to be by myself (in my defence, people are noisy, want things from you and usually unreliable based on prior experience) ….. but meh, maybe I’m just tired. I’ve been slowly but gently dropping as many commitments as I can – and then the headache of organising TWO shows at the same time in November — I have the Berlin/Parsons one on the 8th November and then wham! 2nd week, Sarah comes and tells us we’re going to have a mini-exhibition/conference on 12th.

Frankly I wish she told us sooner, or allowed us the option of opting out. The Aaronson gallery show was booked months in advance in April, and to suddenly drop a bomb during the first few weeks really gave a lot of additional stress — I mean great additional experience and all, but it’s really too close together and since I’m duty-bound to the “official” show my priority is not the mini-one held by thesis (even if it’s related to thesis) but the Berlin/Parsons one. At this point, I’m just going to accept that something has got to give — focus on completing the berlin/parsons, focus on building thesis with scott and let the mini-exhibit/conference thing fall a little or someone in class (probably mike) do everything.

Other good news, I think SAFC meeting turned out well and crossing my fingers for full funding requests!!! They have more or less approved C.K’s proposal (not that he knows) and more or less approved Cnr’s one as well (he doesn’t know either). I’m hoping that by presenting more professionally, it will set the trend for MORE FUNDING! (yay) I’ve also started collecting the proposals for Mobile Art Truck project (good) so hopefully I can meet sponsors soon…. preferably by end October.  If all goes well then by Feb I can test out a road-version of my thesis (what if the networks of networks was applied to neighbourhoods?) which should provide the best feedback ever. Plus that would up the number of events I’ve fundraised, participated or organised into 8 events within a period of 18 months (how’s that for work ethics?)

[random] I got my first white hair!!!! omg I’m officially old D: D: D: also T.B got my age wrong… actually it’s refreshing that someone thinks of me as older, instead of always being perpetually mistaken as 18 [/random]
Back to work related things:

FRIDAY

Games Club decided to have a B.Y.O.G (bring your own game) meet. Which is great, because oodles of katamari and excuse to ooo over the prettyness of Journey:

Replaying Journey (in the name of thesis!) makes me notice the structure more, not just the pretty. Actually I also realised that the fundamental difference between what I’m doing and what Journey is doing is orchestration — Journey is very specifically borrowing from certain themes of spirituality, reincarnation and a more metaphysical ‘journey’. I’m focusing on a more phenomenology type of journey. Also the way I’m structuring it, I want less climatic narrative and just focus on cinematic experience — my favourite bit was probably where the giant stingrays floaty bits came and you could surf sand, will probably borrow the aesthetics from that particular chapter

Half the reason why I’m so focused on aesthetics is because well, I want it to be beautiful. I think people neglect beauty nowadays, which is really depressing. Everyone is focused on what is behind representation or pursuing some deep serious political act/art that they forget about how powerful sheer beauty can be, how moving and how it touches people beyond rationality. Heck, I used to be a scholar on The Sublime — for a good 4-5 years that was my obsession. While I’m no longer as obsessed with it, I still believe in great deal in it.
Anyway it was pretty interesting, I might play it again on a later date just to make sure I got the feel right.

Saturday

Saturday started off with a meeting with the berlin/parsons people – lots of admin crap to be cleared. We had sponsorship from Makerbot to produce the stuff, then they backed out blah blah production at standstill; all files need to be proofed etc etc Also Franca & I altered our final proposal to suit the gallery since Daisy (gallery manager) said we couldn’t touch the (UGLY!) wallpaper at 66 5th ave. Welp. W/E. At this stage where we’re two months to final all I want to do is get shit done and over with. (especially since both of us are thesis-moding)
Then afterwards I met Z.G for thesis and it was pretty enlightening. Remember those MIT students who didn’t participate in anything on the ‘nets? Well, he’s one of them too! *gasp* but nah, I’m not really surprised. After realising these people exist, one must acknowledge that there must be more and they can be anywhere. HOWEVER! it’s also a good opportunity to ask ‘why’ and see what characteristics these people have…. and after talking for a bit, it’s really just a couple of traits: 1. a stable/secure sense of identity and place (I am at X part of my life, don’t want to be in or any part of anywhere else); 2. current IRL activity interests me more than internets 3. computering is for working, not leisure

Anyway he did give me some really great refs, mostly to net.art movement which was extremely helpful. I had problems framing thesis writing cos I was doing it chronologically (development of internet as arpanet, blah blah engelbert augmented humanity etc etc) and it was just getting way too big since it was internet history and trying to put art in it —— and net.art gave me a kind of starting point so I could skim over the historicity and move the “start date” a bit later, when the internet already existed and go from there.

I don’t know how to describe his reaction though…. the feeling is that he thinks it’s not cool(?) I get that — it’s not very trendy to do net art anymore, people have moved on to physical things (ZG is speaking from a curator’s perspective) and from a ‘get-residency’ approach it’s not very ‘wow’ or on pulse. On the other hand, I think because he said that, I want to do it more. I feel it’s the right time to rethink about it, because its so ubiquitous, so commonplace and yet issues regarding use as medium are STILL unresolved…… from the megaupload mess to SOPA/PIPA to simple shit like a 16 year old tweeting about wanting to kill the president. It’s not cool, but it’s necessary? Art shouldn’t be just about niche cool things anyway. /myopinion

Tuesday + Wednesday (can you see how my entries are now so jumbled?)

I had 2 meetings between those days, and while I know these people it was just……. plain weird. Idk. Maybe it was just the week. It was an odd week. Anyway I met T.B on Tuesday, and it was kinda rambly and went overtime. I think we distract each other — somehow we ended up watching early animations and he was talking about how RCA was being really brilliant with the hand-drawing + voiceover sequences…. Sometimes I find it really hard to talk to him, because he doesn’t like things so much. For instance, he doesn’t like the word ‘curate’, so trying to explain the project to him without using the word ‘curate’ is like trying to describe how the colour red to someone who is blind. Then that thread was cut, and then somehow started again – so I showed him the early draft I made, and he was like: ‘I don’t understand what you’re writing’ and he said maybe I was getting stuck with words….. so he was: ‘just make a UX for it’. He also echoed Z.G’s comment about how uncool it was (lol)

Then the next day I met Dave who was my studio tutor last semester and in an interesting role reversal, he was ‘omg I know what you are making I know exactly what you are making!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ and he started quoting these random sayings about forked pathways and being able to retrace them and new words like “virtual adjacency” (which is his invented term for my “categorical randomness”) and he got really excited and like YOU’RE MAKING A MEMEX and I was like what am I making????? and then he showed me this/these articles and I was like: ‘ oooooo yea, I think I’m making one’ and he told me to read like these stacks of articles before seeing him next. I’m glad at least one person was positive about the current direction (even though my project is now forever uncool .____.;;;;;;)  Also he doesn’t believe that nanocommunities or tumblr religions can exist (obviously he’s never read sarah’s story lol) It’s a really weird disjoint, to think that T.B. is old…. or rather when I was talking to him it felt like I was trying to talk to someone much older and stubbornly clinging to someone/thing else which I have no idea about. A mysterious actant-haunting!

I’ve started a bit on the reading since then, and one glaring difference between mine and Bush’s is that mine is pretty much anonymous. Dave is very much on the “create-accounts” side, and he’s persuasive about how the memex is a collector of knowledge or an aid in knowledge……… the thing is, while I’m very certain that the memex and my project are very similar is many ways, I’m not entirely convinced that I’m actually making a memex. I know art doesn’t happen in a vaccum, but if I were to retrace all my entries back and forwards all over again —- the term memex doesn’t come up at all. That means Bush and I arrived at similar conclusions through very VERY different means and understandings of things.  My question is this: how did he arrive there? what made him think of that? he was in an era of microfilm; not the internet – what made him feel the need/necessity to have such a system?

And then after that (double-meetings!) I had WebAdv presentations and OMG I FINALLY “GET” JQUERY for realz. You know about coding = banging head against wall VS head? Well finally the wall broke, and I fucking get that shit. Not perfectly, but the logic is there. Thank fucking god because I was rushing to code it and I finally got the media player to work. It’s not as fancy as other people’s sites ( css != jquery ) but hey all the elements work! I can use it for portfolio-ing!

Anyway then I did a skypechat with L.V and we talked about how to get shit done (technical specs) and we agreed that the best way to approach this is get a baseline on it (how to do a basic loop and draw and all that function crap) then start trying out the libraries. One possibility I’m entertaining is to build the landscape in maya, export it out and put webgl coded geometry on top of it so I didn’t have to try and embed links inside maya objects. That’s a hypothesis anyway

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